Pictured with guest Linda Tennant (center) are Rotarian Denise Springer and President Mike Herron. Linda K. Tennant is with regulatory and program services, environmental health and safety engineering, Simonette Enterprise.

June 21, 2011

Rotary president Mike Herron saved the best til last. In his penultimate session as club presiding officer, he had arranged for several speakers, but finally determined that he, himself, was probably the best choice.

Herron, therefore, began casting pearls before club members. These pearls of wisdom took the form denominated in academe, and elsewhere little known, as "paraprosdokians"

For those who may run short as etymologists, the term comes from Greek words meaning "despite expectation," a figure of speech in which the end of a sentense or phrase is unexpected.

Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.

To a rising cacaphony of jeers, laughter and some restrained puzzlement, Herron began casting his pearls:

• "Where there is a will, there is a way" is changed to "Where there is a will, I want to be in it."
• To Joe Haynes: "Do not argue with an idiot: he will drag you down to his level, and beat you with experience."
• To Sam Sentelle: "Light travels faster than sound; that's why people appear bright, until you hear them speak."
• To Bob Keely: "If I agree with you, we'd both be wrong."
• To Jack Bailey: "The evening news is where they start with 'Good Evening', then proceed to tell you why it isn't."
• "To steal from one person is plagarism; to steal from many is research."
• For David Williams: "A bus station is where a bus stops; a train station is where a train stops; in Dave's office, he has a work station."
• "I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just wanted pay checks."
• For you ladies on the back row: "Women will never be equal to men -- until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer belly, and still think they're sexy."
• "A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory."
• For Rev. Melissa Pratt: "I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way -- so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."
• For Coach Dana Holgerson: "You don't need a parachute to skydive; you only need a parachute to skydive twice."
• "Money can't buy happiness; but it sure makes misery easier to live with."
• Again for the ladies on the back row: "There's a fine line between cuddling -- and holding someone down so he can't get away."
• "I used to be indecisive -- but now, I'm not so sure."
• "You're never too old to learn something stupid."

Canadian linguist and etymology author William Gordon Casselman argues that, while the word "paraprosdokian" is now in wide circulation, it is not a term of classical (or medieval) Greek or Latin rhetoric, but a late 20th century neologism. [Wikipedia]