Rotarian Don Broyles (Broyles Jewelers) introduces foster parents Bob (center) and Rita Boyles.

February 17, 2009

Shortly after their marriage in 1961, Bob and Rita Boyles began talking about the great need to help abused and neglected children. But he was in the Navy. They moved every couple of years. It would be unfair to the children.

Bob retired in 1981.

While shopping at a discount warehouse, Rita spotted a woman with three children in a grocery cart. "That's a foster mom," she said to Bob. "I'm going over to talk with her."

That beginning led to Bob and Rita's enrollment in a "partnership in parenting" program, and then foster children began coming into their home.

"Our first foster child came to us when she was four weeks old," Bob Boyles told Putnam Rotarians today. "Lisa was Afro-American. We adopted her. Today she's in her second semester at Marshall University.

"About a month later we got two little boys. Chris was two months old and Josh was sixteen months. They came to us because mom and dad had wanted to go out one night and left them alone in their apartment. Josh is a sophomore now at the University of Memphis and Chris just graduated from high school.

"They were our first three, and we got motivated by these children."

In the years since, Bob and Rita provided a home for 75 foster children. "We have adopted four, and a fifth is in process," Bob said.

"We had several long talks. We started developing this feeling for children, and there are several things we subscribe to in foster care."

First is compassion. "Any child that comes to our house we will love, and we will love them for what they are. The majority of children that come to you in foster care do not know about compassion. They do not know about love.

"We believe in open communications with everyone," he continued. "I don't want to say that we're outspoken, but we will go to bat and get the things we need for the children.

"And we try to teach the children the same thing.

"Be open. State what you need. You don't get anything by beating around the bush. Tell it like it is and people can deal with that."

A strong sense of commitment is essential, said Boyles. "The average foster child in the United States moves to three or four homes during the time they are in foster care." Average stay in each home is 28 months. The average in West Virginia is about 21 months.

"Each time you move in foster care you set them back six months -- minimum. They have a new family life to get used to, a new school to get used to."

West Virginia has about 400 foster homes available for 4,300 children who need placement, Bob Boyles told the group.

"The number of children far exceeds the number of homes. Not every home can take ten children."

By any measure, Rita and Bob have done their share.

And their example has resonated with others. Their daughter, who is single and a registered nurse, has provided a home for 110 foster children. She has adopted six who are medically fragile.

A Boyles son son and daughter-in-law have adopted two sisters from his parents' foster home.

"You think the children have learned a lot from us?" said Boyles. "You would be surprised at what Rita and I have learned about ourselves in tending to 75 children.

"People say, 'You don't look insane. You don't sound insane!'

"If we had it to do over, we would do it all again," said Boyles. "Except for this: We probably would have started earlier.

"The important things are what we leave behind. not the things we take with us."